I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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