Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
