We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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