U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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