Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
