So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
