Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
