I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
