I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
