Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
