I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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