Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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