i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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