the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
