chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
