Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
