I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
