and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
