Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
