We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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