I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
