Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
