OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
