she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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