Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
