I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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