why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
