Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
