I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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