we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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