i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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