what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
