Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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