So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
