Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
