Just fell off a train. Bad.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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