just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
