So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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