i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
