i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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