sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
