when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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