based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
