the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
