She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
