I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
