my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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