i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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