my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
