if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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