BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
