didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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