Where did you get a picture of my penis
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
