This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
