She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
