Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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