don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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